Becoming a mama has made me a much better person, no doubt about that. But it surely brings on the challenges, the high prices and the contrasting lows... not many women talk about those...
Adiel is a good baby, she's mostly smiley, she's fun and loving. We have a good situation going on. I appreciate the fact that I am able to be with her every day and so is Uri. However, it is hard to be face to face all the time, to be an example, to take good care and entertain, to keep her safe and happy. All while going through the regular events and tests of the daily life.
Adiel is sick today and for the first time. She does not feel good, she can't breath properly, her eyes are teary, her appetite is gone and she will not be anywhere else but in my arms (she sleeps on me as I write). We struggle for her to accept anything that would make her feel better. The only thing that lifts her spirit a bit is watching this videos and applauding with them. I am sure your little ones will enjoy them too. I like the Classical baby videos, this is Adiel's favorite.
At least the good news is that we finally found a good pediatrician that we trust and that understands and respects our way of living and our decisions.
I am coming off of a couple of days of semi-fasting due to sharp stomach pain (maybe nervousness?). And I guess it's not that, or the fact that Adieli is sick, but I feel somehow broken. My throat is closing, I lose my center, I am irritable and tired. I do my best to be nourishing and patient for her and I think I manage to, but I also get frustrated and feel helpless. I can't communicate right, my eyes are teary too... I suppose I am also getting sick. It is just one of those days!
I wanted to write this, but I was hesitant since it is not a cheery, beautiful or inspiring post. We are all as a society very much used to giving a big smile and saying all is fine. But then we detach from real life, we find ourselves in situations where we don't know what is natural and what is not. For example, being pregnant for the first time and having no clue of what a birth looks like because we have never witness one before (my case). We slowly lose the tradition of women being there for each other, of mamas helping, sharing and teaching each other.
Well, you mamas have been to me a great support and an example. We have been blessed with great opportunities and loving families, I know there won't be much to complain about, but whenever there is a need for a little bit of clarity, here we will be!
As a mama I learned how to love with a full unconditional heart, but also the meaning of sacrifice, of giving up. And whatever is left behind I embrace with sweet melancholy, knowing that I rather always be who I am today.
On a diferent note: I took all these pics early this week. I am still experimenting with angles and edition. Which filter do you like better? I was imagining I would go out for long afternoons to try the new lens and capture my version of Baja California... I will one day soon!
The sun setting on one of these foggy days!
Take care,
Mercedes
